What Nobody Tells You About Your Twenties

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I remember the exact day my life changed forever, though I didn’t realize it at the time. It was April 26th, and I was 18, working out at the gym, listening to a podcast. The guest said something I had heard many times from successful adults: "If I had the same mindset now that I did in my 20s, I’d be miserable. I was such an idiot back then." Every time I heard that, it made me feel sad, especially because I was about to enter college. I didn’t want to be miserable in my 20s. It felt frustrating and dismissive, especially considering everything I had recently been through.

Just five months earlier, I sat beside my father as he passed away from ALS, a terminal illness. That experience shaped me deeply, and I promised myself I wouldn’t waste a moment of my life hating it, knowing all too well that time is never promised. When I heard these personal development leaders dismissing their younger selves, it irritated me. Why weren’t they addressing people my age? Didn’t we need to know about growth, mindfulness, and emotional intelligence the most?

In our teens and 20s, we are faced with crucial life decisions—picking a career, managing finances, potentially finding a life partner. Yet, adults often tell us we have plenty of time to figure things out. While comforting in the moment, this advice doesn’t provide practical tools for navigating these significant decisions. We receive little guidance on emotional intelligence and decision-making, even though these are the foundations for building a fulfilling life.

I began to dig deeper, searching for answers. I found that teenage Libby, as I call my younger self, had a point. The habits and decisions we form in our 20s are critical for shaping the rest of our lives. The brain is a complex system of neural pathways, like roads we travel repeatedly. The more we use specific paths, the more ingrained those habits become. If we don’t start consciously choosing which mental routes we travel now, it will become much harder to change them later in life. In our 20s, our personalities and brains change more than at any other time, and the decisions we make in this decade matter more than we might realize.

Clinical psychologist Meg Jay notes that 85% of life’s defining moments happen before age 35. The choices we make in our 20s—whether about career, relationships, or personal development—are often the building blocks of our future. Of course, these are statistics, and life isn’t purely about numbers. But still, we can’t deny that we face some of our biggest decisions in this phase of life. It’s crucial to equip ourselves with the emotional tools necessary to navigate these decisions.

In my work, I’ve spent years talking to teens and 20-somethings about what they really need to feel prepared for life. I’ve written a book, started a podcast, and built an online platform, all aimed at answering their questions and helping them develop the skills they aren’t learning elsewhere. The common thread I’ve discovered is not about technology addiction or peer pressure—it’s about young people feeling constantly at war with their own minds. This mental and emotional struggle isn’t new, but we’ve never focused enough on developing the emotional intelligence necessary to cope with it.

What we need is a shift—a recognition that mental and emotional skills are not “soft skills.” They are life-changing, society-altering abilities that need to be taught and nurtured. Through my work, I’ve found three key pillars that can help young people build a foundation for better emotional intelligence and decision-making.

The first pillar is unlearning. Many of the social constructs we’ve inherited are unhelpful and weigh us down. We are conditioned to believe that grades define intelligence, or that we should be young and carefree, or that our 20s must be the best years of our lives. These mindsets often prevent us from living in alignment with our core values. I inherited a money-driven mentality from my father, but I saw how that mindset tore him apart. I realized that living a successful life wasn’t about wealth or status—it was about living in alignment with my values.

The second pillar is being. To align ourselves with our values, we must become healthier and more self-aware individuals. This involves engaging in growth practices like therapy, journaling, meditation, and reflection. These tools allow us to rebuild and repair the areas of our lives that feel like they’re crumbling, just as we might fix a house that wasn’t built properly. It’s a difficult process, but it leads to a more stable foundation.

The third pillar is doing. Making bold changes in life can feel terrifying, much like skydiving. The people who have never taken bold risks are often the ones telling us it’s too scary or chaotic. But in reality, making these changes—whether it’s leaving a job, ending a relationship, or pursuing a new path—brings more peace than chaos. The courage to take action when we know it’s right is essential for living in alignment with who we truly are.

When I share these ideas with young people, the results are profound. They tell me how my content has helped them manage stress, avoid suicidal thoughts, or feel less afraid about their future. We must stop the generational cycle of underdeveloped mental and emotional skills. These skills are the roots of joy, fulfillment, and success.

To all the young people out there: You don’t need to wait for a crisis to begin your journey of growth. Start being intentional and intuitive now. Take responsibility for your life as soon as you can, because that’s where true joy and fulfillment are born. The sooner you grow, the better.